Can we be ourselves and play a role?

Be yourself and play a role. In the collective consciousness, these two notions are contradictory. You can't be yourself if you're playing a role. But what do we mean by “role”? That is all the confusion. A role is not a disguise but the reflection and expression of a facet of our personality, of an identity that we have modelled through our interaction with others.

His name is Michel. With greying hair, a well-cut beard and an impeccable suit, he is the managing director France of a large international group based in Switzerland. Appreciated by his collaborators, he was however nicknamed the “Sheriff”, because he liked order, square work and punctuality. “When I ask for something, it's never for tomorrow, it's always for yesterday,” he says, with a touch of irony.

A personality that reflects his personal life. In the evenings and weekends, Michel is no longer that iron man: order gives way to disorder, his creativity is expressed in his games designed for his children, and his sickly control disappears by “we'll see tomorrow, we have plenty of time.”

Two completely opposite profiles that arouse certain reactions from those around him: he is therefore not himself, he plays a role at work. But can't we Play a role while being yourself ?

‍We all play roles, without exception

In the room As you like by William Shakespeare, the character Jacques states the idea that “The whole world is a stage, men and women, all of them, are only actors, everyone enters, everyone goes out, and throughout our lives, we play several roles”. More than 400 years later, this metaphor still resonates in today's world.

We actually play several roles, that of mother or father, that of husband or wife or that of colleague, employee or manager. We all take on a role based on how we interact with our environment.

Roles are understood here as “functions”, roles that we take on in certain situations. In particular, they make it possible to set a framework in one's interactions with others, to create reference points, but also, in a certain way, routines. But our roles go well beyond function: if we play roles, it's because we also have a multiple personality. The human being is made like this: complex and paradoxical, he is a multi-faceted character, manifesting various character traits.

‍To play a role is to express a facet of your personality

Playing a role, or rather roles, allows us to express all our different dimensions. We can be both strict in the office and gentle as a lamb at home. To be orderly in your work and, conversely, to be completely disorderly at home. To say that we are one-dimensional is a fantasy. Indeed, we cannot be exactly the same at work, as a couple, with our children or with our friends. Moreover, it is through our interactions with others that we define an identity; identity that we build and shape according to what we WANT to experience in a relationship.

‍These roles that we play are therefore only the reflection and expression of our different personalities, of an identity that we have chosen and wanted. However, the challenge is to become aware of these sometimes paradoxical roles, and above all to accept them.

‍Our roles are evolving

Role playing and “wearing a mask” are two distinct concepts. The problem is not to play a role, but to play a role that does not represent any of its dimensions.

Because we do not recognize ourselves in our role, we thus adopt a behavior that does not reflect us, we provide for ourselves in an identity that is not ours, we rely on the needs and expectations of the other. However, we built and modelled this identity well at the beginning in our interaction with others. In reality, it is not that it does not correspond to us, but that it no longer corresponds to us.

Indeed, our roles are not fixed, they are evolving. Here too, it will then be a question of acceptance: accept that we are evolving and that the role we have taken in our interactions has changed and must change if we want to move forward. And the only way to make this change will not be to try to change the other person, but to try to change yourself.

Work sound Self-leadership is therefore fundamental in order to once again become an actor in your roles and to no longer feel trapped in a situation guided by others.